More tales of motherhood.....

The boy is indeed back from camp. The bickering began within 1/2 an hour of the reunion between brother and sister----which is 15 minutes longer than I expected, they must have really missed each other ;)

He changed while he was gone, I think. He seems more mature, somehow. He listens better, at least most of the time, and really seems to think about what is said. You know, those times when you can see the cogs turning? I feel so grateful to have him back. I never realized how much I would miss him. I find myself thinking about the future, when he moves out of our home, to whatever future plans he settles on; school, or the military, or some other career that may take him far away. He's growing up so fast, and I rejoice at the young man he's becoming, even as I mourn for my bright-eyed little baby. It's easy to lose track of the big picture when raising children. All the hectic schedules, petty annoyances, homework, disciplinary actions, and of course, the hugs, kisses, and laughter, distract one from the main responsibility of parenting.

We are raising the next generation of citizens. Not just of our particular country, but of the world. The values and priorities they learn from us (both from what we do and say, and from what we don't do and don't say) will guide them in making decisions in how to run things when it's their turn. I wonder if I'm teaching my children the right things. I sure try, but the combination of professional and financial stress sometimes leaves me too exhausted to listen the way I should, or maybe I miss those "teachable moments". You know the ones: they ask a question or make a comment, and you see the chance to implant a moral, or a lesson, in their little psyches. Those moments don't come along all that terribly often, and I hate the idea of missing them because I'm too busy, tired, or frustrated to recognize them.

We all do the best we can, and no-one is a perfect parent. I know that. Forgiving myself for not being perfect has always been one of my biggest challenges. Forgiving other people for the same "sin" (not being perfect), that's a cakewalk.

How many others out there are their own worst critics?

Time with Mom

I went shopping with my mother today. No major revelations occurred, but I was struck yet again by how ridiculously lucky I have been in my life. My mother says she knows when I've had a bad day with the kids, because I call her up and apologize.......again.

I can clearly (crystal clear, no merciful blurring at all) remember incidents from my own childhood, doing things. Unfortunate things. Things that were not well thought out. Things that were done without regard to consequence, or even to cause-and-effect.

I am now seeing virtually identical behavior from----yes, you guessed it----my own children.

It flat-out amazes me that I was allowed to live to adulthood. I wasn't even beaten half to death. The tolerance and restraint of that woman should be enough to have her cannonized.

Did I mention that our boy is back from camp?

For all of you who may not have believed me when I said that computers were FM..... I offer proof. First of all, I wasn't capable of following the directions well enough to transfer the promised graphic from the geek test. Second, I scored a 14. Ouch.

Separation anxiety

My son is at Boy Scout Camp!!!!! For a whole week!!! I don't think I like this......

Now, I must admit, the quiet is a blessing, as my dear daughter cannot manage to bicker with herself. The morning routine was easier today with only one little one to get out the door. Dinner had only one persnickety eater (Sgt B eats just about anything I put in front of him without complaint, Bless him).

There are advantages in the situation, I'm sure. I have to tell you, though, that I still don't think I like this.....

I miss my boy. I worry that he won't get along with the others. I worry that he'll get in trouble after not thinking something through. I worry that the leaders aren't taking good enough care of him. I worry that he'll get hurt doing something stupid to show off. In short, I just worry.

Hey, everyone needs a hobby, and I say, stick with what you're good at.

I know he'll be fine (I hope). I know he'll have a good time (I hope). I know this will build character (probably more mine than his). I know if (God forbid) anything bad does actually happen, that they'll let us know (really, I do know that). I've just never been away from him for longer than a weekend campout before. Ever.

I know, I know, suck it up, woman! And I will. As soon as I'm done whimpering.

Next time I go Blog-surfing, remind me to wear a helmet...

I started following links today. I've done it before, but today I got serious. I was reading Margi--I always check in on Margi, just for GP. I saw a few of the comments on one of her posts, and followed the link-y things. (by the way, my Dearest is going to unveil the secrets of the link-y things for me soon. I'm panting at the thought ;) ) Anyway, one click led to another, and I realized very soon that many of you out there seem to think that being liberal, or a *gasp* Democrat, is tantamount to being an over-emotional, over-educated, un-American, un-patriotic, brain-dead traitor. Sgt. B will tell you that tact has never been my strong point, so please forgive me for being blunt.

Just as there are irrational idiots that are conservative, there are irrational idiots that are liberal.

I am proud to be left of center. People, as a whole, matter more to me than money, always have, always will. That having been said, I'm not a big fan of the "Throw money blindly at a social problem and it will somehow be fixed" philosophy that seems to have guided the democratic party for the last 75 years or so. Social spending should be in our top 3, along with National Defense and Education, IMO. It should, however, be guided by professionals who actually work with the populations involved, not by politicians who just want "face time" in the media and a few sound bites. Long-term strategies need to be employed, not what could be called "band-aid" solutions. (Slap a bandaid on it and the wound is out of sight, that's good enough, isn't it? No.)

I don't feel that I belong in anyone's bedroom or church pew but my own. I will never, I repeat, never, agree that people's morals should be legislated for them. I don't have a problem with gay couples having a civil (get that, civil) marriage ceremony, so that they may have the same obligations and legal rights with regards to their life-partners that I do. A civil ceremony isn't recognized by the church as being before God anyway, so why all the fuss? Personally, I suspect that the insurance companies are funding a lot of the propaganda on this subject so they won't have to cover dependent " spouses". In addition to that, while I am personally anti-abortion, and could never even seriously contemplate having one myself, I am grateful that I live in a nation where I had the right to make this decision for myself.

For a long time, I viewed myself as a Democrat. Events of the last 10 years or so have persuaded me that I'm really not. Our two parties have become so entrenched, so rigid, so dadblamed stupid, that they will support each other in outright idiocy rather than admit that one of their own could possibly be wrong, or dishonest, or just plain slimy. This is also true of the Republicans, by the way.

I'm not a fan of President Bush. I didn't vote for him. I don't approve of many of the decisions he has made. That doesn't make me un-American. It's just my opinion. Whether or not I agree that we should be in Iraq is immaterial--my opinion on the subject is totally irrelevant. The fact is, we are over there. If we're going to be there, then it's vital that our armed services have everything that they need to get the job done. That includes the full support of the American people, whether we agree with the war or not. Our job as the citizens that they protect is to be behind them 100 percent. It's our duty, and their just due for putting their lives on the line for us. To blame them for following the legal orders of their superiors, to not honor them for their bravery, sacrifice, and unimaginable effort is absolutely the height of ignorance and ingratitude. I know that I'm not in the minority on this issue, even among liberals.

I was going to discuss the media next, but that rant deserves a post of it's own.

OK, I've covered virtually every hot-button topic. I've fortified myself with a glass of hard cider. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let the barrage begin!

I was a teenage turbo-nerd.....

Yes, it's true. I was a (to quote Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club) "Neo-Maxi Zoon-dweebie".

Some of my fondest memories of high-school revolve around trips to tournaments with the Debate Team (in which I lettered, and won a few trophies). I actually co-wrote and performed an 8 minute speech which proposed that "nothing" had substance. It even involved visual aids. Sad. Funny, but sad. Still, I can't help but get silly grins, and occasionally giggle out loud when I think of some of the off-the-wall stuff we used to talk about on those long road trips. Pun Wars that would last for hours, getting worse all the time. The worse the puns got, the louder we groaned, and the harder we laughed. The debate coach was also the chorus teacher, and 3 of us on the debate team were in chorus. We would drive down the road, singing in 4 part harmony. Once, we found a ladies room in a school that was tiled everywhere but the ceiling. The accoustics in that room were amazing! I felt like we were singing in a cathedral. I ran in to someone who was on that team with me at Christmas time this last year, and we agreed that it was entirely too much fun.

To make matters worse, I discovered the SCA and role-playing games in college. Been to gaming tournaments, also. I went to Gen-Con 4 years running, and played in assorted tourneys. I'm not just a nerd, I'm a competitive nerd. And I loved it. Did the Arts and Sciences competitions in the SCA, and learned to brew, costume, and do metalwork. Also loved that. Still brew, sew when I have to, and have been known to wield a torch. I really loved the SCA, but events and small children don't mix very well, and I dropped out when Jacob, my firstborn, was a toddler. I occasionally toy with the idea of checking out the local group, but then realize that I'm probably too old, now.

I guess that I'm just feeling nostalgic today. I spent all day being a responsible grown-up, and wishing that I could go back to being that innocent child, just for a little while. Just between you, me, and the rest of the blogsphere, sometimes I desperately want to be irresponsible. *sigh*

Response to Veronika--book quiz

Veronika tagged me, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you....

1) Total of books I own. Wow. I don't really know, and it would take hours to count. I would hazard a guess that I personally (without SgtB) own approximately 1000 books. It used to be more, I ruthlessly pruned the collection when we moved last year, and there were still over a dozen boxes of books; plus I've been acquiring more of them for a year now.

2) The last book I bought was the Complete collection of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, books 1-5 in a single volume.

3) The last book I read was Black Rose, by Nora Roberts (and before you sneer at my low-brow tastes, read one of her books, good pacing, entertaining dialog, and endearing characterization. No, they aren't a literary tour-de-force, but they're darn fine recreational reading.)

4) Five books that mean a lot to me. Dragonsong, it introduced me to the magical world of fantasy, which in turn introduced me to SciFi. My world is richer for it. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, which showed me that I could cry bitterly and be uplifted by the same book. Gargantua, which showed me that just because a book is considered a classic, that doesn't mean that it's worth reading (awful!). The Little House series, because they were given to me by my grandmother, and I read them aloud to my little sister every night at bedtime for months (a chapter per night). Little Women, because I so identified with Jo March.

There you go, Veronica. I'll try tagging a few people, and see if they respond:

SgtB---because I know where you sleep.
Margi---because you might actually do it