The Group "W" Bench

More tales of motherhood.....

2005-07-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

The boy is indeed back from camp. The bickering began within 1/2 an hour of the reunion between brother and sister----which is 15 minutes longer than I expected, they must have really missed each other ;)

He changed while he was gone, I think. He seems more mature, somehow. He listens better, at least most of the time, and really seems to think about what is said. You know, those times when you can see the cogs turning? I feel so grateful to have him back. I never realized how much I would miss him. I find myself thinking about the future, when he moves out of our home, to whatever future plans he settles on; school, or the military, or some other career that may take him far away. He's growing up so fast, and I rejoice at the young man he's becoming, even as I mourn for my bright-eyed little baby. It's easy to lose track of the big picture when raising children. All the hectic schedules, petty annoyances, homework, disciplinary actions, and of course, the hugs, kisses, and laughter, distract one from the main responsibility of parenting.

We are raising the next generation of citizens. Not just of our particular country, but of the world. The values and priorities they learn from us (both from what we do and say, and from what we don't do and don't say) will guide them in making decisions in how to run things when it's their turn. I wonder if I'm teaching my children the right things. I sure try, but the combination of professional and financial stress sometimes leaves me too exhausted to listen the way I should, or maybe I miss those "teachable moments". You know the ones: they ask a question or make a comment, and you see the chance to implant a moral, or a lesson, in their little psyches. Those moments don't come along all that terribly often, and I hate the idea of missing them because I'm too busy, tired, or frustrated to recognize them.

We all do the best we can, and no-one is a perfect parent. I know that. Forgiving myself for not being perfect has always been one of my biggest challenges. Forgiving other people for the same "sin" (not being perfect), that's a cakewalk.

How many others out there are their own worst critics?

Time with Mom

2005-07-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

I went shopping with my mother today. No major revelations occurred, but I was struck yet again by how ridiculously lucky I have been in my life. My mother says she knows when I've had a bad day with the kids, because I call her up and apologize.......again.

I can clearly (crystal clear, no merciful blurring at all) remember incidents from my own childhood, doing things. Unfortunate things. Things that were not well thought out. Things that were done without regard to consequence, or even to cause-and-effect.

I am now seeing virtually identical behavior from----yes, you guessed it----my own children.

It flat-out amazes me that I was allowed to live to adulthood. I wasn't even beaten half to death. The tolerance and restraint of that woman should be enough to have her cannonized.

Did I mention that our boy is back from camp?

2005-07-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

For all of you who may not have believed me when I said that computers were FM..... I offer proof. First of all, I wasn't capable of following the directions well enough to transfer the promised graphic from the geek test. Second, I scored a 14. Ouch.

Separation anxiety

2005-07-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

My son is at Boy Scout Camp!!!!! For a whole week!!! I don't think I like this......

Now, I must admit, the quiet is a blessing, as my dear daughter cannot manage to bicker with herself. The morning routine was easier today with only one little one to get out the door. Dinner had only one persnickety eater (Sgt B eats just about anything I put in front of him without complaint, Bless him).

There are advantages in the situation, I'm sure. I have to tell you, though, that I still don't think I like this.....

I miss my boy. I worry that he won't get along with the others. I worry that he'll get in trouble after not thinking something through. I worry that the leaders aren't taking good enough care of him. I worry that he'll get hurt doing something stupid to show off. In short, I just worry.

Hey, everyone needs a hobby, and I say, stick with what you're good at.

I know he'll be fine (I hope). I know he'll have a good time (I hope). I know this will build character (probably more mine than his). I know if (God forbid) anything bad does actually happen, that they'll let us know (really, I do know that). I've just never been away from him for longer than a weekend campout before. Ever.

I know, I know, suck it up, woman! And I will. As soon as I'm done whimpering.

Next time I go Blog-surfing, remind me to wear a helmet...

2005-06-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

I started following links today. I've done it before, but today I got serious. I was reading Margi--I always check in on Margi, just for GP. I saw a few of the comments on one of her posts, and followed the link-y things. (by the way, my Dearest is going to unveil the secrets of the link-y things for me soon. I'm panting at the thought ;) ) Anyway, one click led to another, and I realized very soon that many of you out there seem to think that being liberal, or a *gasp* Democrat, is tantamount to being an over-emotional, over-educated, un-American, un-patriotic, brain-dead traitor. Sgt. B will tell you that tact has never been my strong point, so please forgive me for being blunt.

Just as there are irrational idiots that are conservative, there are irrational idiots that are liberal.

I am proud to be left of center. People, as a whole, matter more to me than money, always have, always will. That having been said, I'm not a big fan of the "Throw money blindly at a social problem and it will somehow be fixed" philosophy that seems to have guided the democratic party for the last 75 years or so. Social spending should be in our top 3, along with National Defense and Education, IMO. It should, however, be guided by professionals who actually work with the populations involved, not by politicians who just want "face time" in the media and a few sound bites. Long-term strategies need to be employed, not what could be called "band-aid" solutions. (Slap a bandaid on it and the wound is out of sight, that's good enough, isn't it? No.)

I don't feel that I belong in anyone's bedroom or church pew but my own. I will never, I repeat, never, agree that people's morals should be legislated for them. I don't have a problem with gay couples having a civil (get that, civil) marriage ceremony, so that they may have the same obligations and legal rights with regards to their life-partners that I do. A civil ceremony isn't recognized by the church as being before God anyway, so why all the fuss? Personally, I suspect that the insurance companies are funding a lot of the propaganda on this subject so they won't have to cover dependent " spouses". In addition to that, while I am personally anti-abortion, and could never even seriously contemplate having one myself, I am grateful that I live in a nation where I had the right to make this decision for myself.

For a long time, I viewed myself as a Democrat. Events of the last 10 years or so have persuaded me that I'm really not. Our two parties have become so entrenched, so rigid, so dadblamed stupid, that they will support each other in outright idiocy rather than admit that one of their own could possibly be wrong, or dishonest, or just plain slimy. This is also true of the Republicans, by the way.

I'm not a fan of President Bush. I didn't vote for him. I don't approve of many of the decisions he has made. That doesn't make me un-American. It's just my opinion. Whether or not I agree that we should be in Iraq is immaterial--my opinion on the subject is totally irrelevant. The fact is, we are over there. If we're going to be there, then it's vital that our armed services have everything that they need to get the job done. That includes the full support of the American people, whether we agree with the war or not. Our job as the citizens that they protect is to be behind them 100 percent. It's our duty, and their just due for putting their lives on the line for us. To blame them for following the legal orders of their superiors, to not honor them for their bravery, sacrifice, and unimaginable effort is absolutely the height of ignorance and ingratitude. I know that I'm not in the minority on this issue, even among liberals.

I was going to discuss the media next, but that rant deserves a post of it's own.

OK, I've covered virtually every hot-button topic. I've fortified myself with a glass of hard cider. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let the barrage begin!

I was a teenage turbo-nerd.....

2005-06-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true. I was a (to quote Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club) "Neo-Maxi Zoon-dweebie".

Some of my fondest memories of high-school revolve around trips to tournaments with the Debate Team (in which I lettered, and won a few trophies). I actually co-wrote and performed an 8 minute speech which proposed that "nothing" had substance. It even involved visual aids. Sad. Funny, but sad. Still, I can't help but get silly grins, and occasionally giggle out loud when I think of some of the off-the-wall stuff we used to talk about on those long road trips. Pun Wars that would last for hours, getting worse all the time. The worse the puns got, the louder we groaned, and the harder we laughed. The debate coach was also the chorus teacher, and 3 of us on the debate team were in chorus. We would drive down the road, singing in 4 part harmony. Once, we found a ladies room in a school that was tiled everywhere but the ceiling. The accoustics in that room were amazing! I felt like we were singing in a cathedral. I ran in to someone who was on that team with me at Christmas time this last year, and we agreed that it was entirely too much fun.

To make matters worse, I discovered the SCA and role-playing games in college. Been to gaming tournaments, also. I went to Gen-Con 4 years running, and played in assorted tourneys. I'm not just a nerd, I'm a competitive nerd. And I loved it. Did the Arts and Sciences competitions in the SCA, and learned to brew, costume, and do metalwork. Also loved that. Still brew, sew when I have to, and have been known to wield a torch. I really loved the SCA, but events and small children don't mix very well, and I dropped out when Jacob, my firstborn, was a toddler. I occasionally toy with the idea of checking out the local group, but then realize that I'm probably too old, now.

I guess that I'm just feeling nostalgic today. I spent all day being a responsible grown-up, and wishing that I could go back to being that innocent child, just for a little while. Just between you, me, and the rest of the blogsphere, sometimes I desperately want to be irresponsible. *sigh*

Response to Veronika--book quiz

2005-06-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

Veronika tagged me, sorry it has taken so long to get back to you....

1) Total of books I own. Wow. I don't really know, and it would take hours to count. I would hazard a guess that I personally (without SgtB) own approximately 1000 books. It used to be more, I ruthlessly pruned the collection when we moved last year, and there were still over a dozen boxes of books; plus I've been acquiring more of them for a year now.

2) The last book I bought was the Complete collection of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, books 1-5 in a single volume.

3) The last book I read was Black Rose, by Nora Roberts (and before you sneer at my low-brow tastes, read one of her books, good pacing, entertaining dialog, and endearing characterization. No, they aren't a literary tour-de-force, but they're darn fine recreational reading.)

4) Five books that mean a lot to me. Dragonsong, it introduced me to the magical world of fantasy, which in turn introduced me to SciFi. My world is richer for it. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, which showed me that I could cry bitterly and be uplifted by the same book. Gargantua, which showed me that just because a book is considered a classic, that doesn't mean that it's worth reading (awful!). The Little House series, because they were given to me by my grandmother, and I read them aloud to my little sister every night at bedtime for months (a chapter per night). Little Women, because I so identified with Jo March.

There you go, Veronica. I'll try tagging a few people, and see if they respond:

SgtB---because I know where you sleep.
Margi---because you might actually do it

Response to Margi--5 things I miss from my childhood...

2005-06-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to do these link-y things, but I'll answer the questions. (SgtB says I'm a Luddite, I don't know if I'd go that far, but any machine without obvious moving parts is FM to me!)

1) Being able to say "I'm going for a bike ride" and taking off down a 2 lane county road for 2-3 hours without anyone getting freaked out that I might have been snatched by a predator. My kids will never know that kind of freedom, and it makes me sad.

2) HR Puffinstuff---I loved that show when I was a kid, especially Freddie the talking flute :)

3) Stratego---did anyone else's family play that game?

4) Adam's sour green apple gum. I especially loved the smell.

5) Pop Shoppe pop. I don't know if that was a local, regional, or national chain, but I loved Pop Shoppe pop. I saw some old empty bottles at a yard sale this weekend, and mourned it's demise all over again.

So now I've listed 5 things I miss from my childhood. The problem is, I know almost no-one out there to tag, and those I do know, have mostly already done this one. So, if you want to volunteer, feel free. Otherwise, I'm afraid this leg of the MEME dies with me. (By the way, what does meme stand for, anyway?) (FM, remember?)

We have a new car!!!

2005-06-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

This just in.....I am now the proud, registered owner (well, 1/2 owner, the bank owes the other 1/2) of a brand-spanking-new Saturn Ion. I like it very much. It's white, which is a bummer(every speck of dust will show), but when you aren't willing to pay for power locks, etc., and you want a 5 speed, sometimes you don't get a whole lot of variety to pick from. At least it won't heat up too badly in the summer.

Congratulations to Margi and Koolaid!!!!!!! I hereby volunteer to babysit. Sometimes these later "surprise packages" are God's greatest gifts. My sister was born when my mother was 43, and my dad was 52. Our lives would be immeasurably poorer without her. Her warmth, love, and humor are a gift to everyone around her.
If you two need anything, let me know.

I will be responding to a couple of "tags" tomorrow, but for now, this particular bear needs her sleep.

Wow

2005-06-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

I just want to say thank you for all the kind thoughts and good wishes. I really appreciate them. I am starting to feel a bit better, at least the headache from hades is fading. Still quite stiff, I'm afraid, and creaky, but this too shall pass. My car is indeed a total loss, but they won't be handing me any money for at least a week. *sigh* Hope everyone else is doing well, though.

Well, I used to have a car that was paid for.....

2005-06-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

Just a short post, apparently my dearest hubby posted that I was in an accident today. Just so you all know, I have a slight concussion and a really stiff back and neck, as well as some pain in my shoulder from it being over-extended when the airbag deployed. (The airbag blew my hand off the steering wheel and my arm up over my head into the ceiling) Other than that, I am just fine, no broken bones, no internal injuries, no major trauma.

Have I ever said here how glad I am I drive....er... drove ...a Saturn? The things that were supposed to crumple and take the force of the impact did exactly what they were supposed to do, and the interior compartment was virtually unchanged. The car, unfortunately, will almost certainly be a total loss.

I won't be posting for a day or two, while I sort out "stuff". Just wanted to let anyone who reads my dear SgtB know that I'm pretty much OK.

Feeling Grateful...

2005-06-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

Just a thought for today........

You can complain that rose bushes have thorns, or you can rejoice that thorn bushes sometimes make roses.

I was feeling grumpy because my kids are bickering, it's raining, and I can't send them outside. Then I thought about what a silly ass I'm being. I have healthy kids, who feel safe enough not to have to act perfect, and I have a warm, safe home to want to send them out of. Sometimes I forget to be happy about what I've already got, and wish for more than I need.

Oy, what a day! (Or, how I did battle with Soc. Sec.)

2005-06-03T19:04:00.000-07:00

First, let me say that I have spent all day with a paranoid schizophrenic, and may have had some of her thought (?) processes rub off on me. We went to the bank, expecting her disability payment to have been deposited. (Please, believe me when I say that this woman is truly disabled, she isn't really a part of this world.) Yep, you guessed it, it hadn't been. (I don't know how to turn off bold now that I turned it on, serves me right for trying to be creative when I'm brain-dead.)

Anyway, our next stop was the Social Security Administration. Oh Joy! 3 hours later, we got to speak with a bureaucrat. Have you ever sat in a crowded waiting room with a paranoid schizophrenic for 3 hours? My first time, too. Then I got to play interpreter between Ms. "So sorry for our error, but we can't give you any money for at least 5 days" and Ms. "They're all going through my pockets and I'm going to smash their f**ing heads". It was stimulating, to say the least.

I informed the SSA representative that this was an unacceptable situation, and since it really was their error, they needed to cut a check today. It took a good deal more "convincing" on my part, but eventually they did. Don't ever believe that they can't give you a paper check right there in the office, it just has to be approved by the local head honcho; and probably requires more paperwork or something.

After 5 hours of mental gymnastics with this particular client (which culminated with her propositioning me-----yes, really!) I got to spend 2 relaxing hours (no sarcasm here, they were relaxing hours) with a client that is merely bipolar, alcoholic, and DD.

So, y'all, how was your day?

Have I rehabilitated myself?

2005-06-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the Group "W" Bench!! Any card carrying liberal should be familiar with the song "Alice's Restaurant". Hence the name. For those who aren't familiar, the Group W Bench was where they put the inductees that might not be moral enough to join the army. The last question on the very last page of a very long form was: "Have you rehabilitated yourself?"

The answer, in my case, is: not nearly enough. But I'm tryin'.

15 years of being involved (in one way or another) with the psyches of various populations hasn't quite beaten the wide-eyed optimism out of me. I still believe that people are, by and large, good. That they will usually live up to (or down to) your expectations of them, so it is better to expect goodness. True evil (a'la 9/11, OKC, Hitler's Germany, John Wayne Gacy, Jeffery Dahmer) still catches me totally flatfooted, with the question "WHY????" reverberating through my entire being. It is truly beyond my ken.

On the other hand, I no longer believe that all of the less fortunate in the world are helpless victims. In every life, there are choices, and consequences for those choices. There comes a point in every life where you look in the spiritual mirror, and if you don't like the person you see, you are the only one who can change the reflection. It has been my sad discovery that many people don't want to work for progress, they want to have someone wave a magic wand like the fairy godmother in Cinderella, and fix everything wrong with their lives without them having to expend any effort in the process.

Now don't get me wrong, there really are people out there who have been victimized so often, by so many, and let down by those supposed to protect and care for them, that they have given up, and need encouragement and help, not censure. There are also plenty of people out there who have been beaten down by a combination of circumstances beyond their control. They just need a helping hand, and a few opportunities, to shake themselves off and rebuild productive lives.

I have been blessed to have a loving husband, two very active kids, and two fabulous cats. I also spend a lot of time with my parents, who are getting on in years (Dad is a WWII vet).